Chapter 31
EPOV
“Not for long.” She whispered.
I was trying to get a grip on myself without much success; she mumbled something, but I couldn’t make it out. I pulled away from her so that I could see her face.
“I’m sorry Love, what did you say?”
But rather than repeat her sentence she brushed it off as not important.
“What made you decide to come here today?” She asked and I supposed that question was better than ‘why did I find your sniveling ass on the floor of your sister’s closet?’.
“I was looking for a file and when I couldn’t find it in her office I figured it was probably in her office here at home and I guess I underestimated the impact of coming here since I haven’t been here since her… her death.” I could barely make my mouth form the word. “Anyway, I started walking through the house and I don’t know…I guess it all just hit me and when I came in here…I lost it.” I fought the tears from coming down again. What the hell was wrong with me? It had been months since Pam’s death, why was I falling apart now? I needed to get a grip and gain control of myself.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you.” She said as she cupped my face in her hands.
“Sookie are you crazy? Of course you were here for me. You may not have been in
Shreveport, but as soon as I called, you dropped everything and came running. Besides, even though you weren’t here, you were here.” I took her hand and put it over my heart; willing her to understand how integral she had become to my very existence.
“So how are you feeling now?” Oddly, I felt better. Whether it was that I had my little break down or the fact that she, my anchor to sanity, was back, I wasn’t sure.
“Better, now that you’re here.” I kissed her forehead before continuing. I slid over to the wall of shelving and drawers that lined one side of the closet and leaned against it pulling Sookie to sit in my lap.
“You know…I think you would have liked Pam…and I know she would have loved you.”
“Really? Why is that?” She wasn’t challenging what I’d said; the clever girl was trying to get me to talk about Pam, something I had been reluctant to do since the accident.
“Well, she was a lot like you.” I told her. “She was honest and loyal and she didn’t see the need to play games like so many women seem to want to do. I just think the two of you would have gotten along really well.”
After a few more minutes we got up off the floor.
“Come with me, I want to show you something.” I told her as I grabbed her hand.
We made our way to the den and I walked over to the book shelf and located the two photo albums that Pam had stored there. She sat down beside me on the couch and for a little more than two hours I showed her pictures of my parents and Pam as well as some childhood photographs of me.
“Eric she was beautiful.” Sookie gushed.
“Yes she was but her inside was more beautiful than what you see on the outside. I owe everything I have and who I am to her. She was the one who taught me respect and integrity and that I could get ahead without having to screw people over to do it. Our company is what it is because of her!” This time I couldn’t stop them, the tears were back and I was crying like a baby again.
“Sookie I don’t know if I can do this on my own.” I moaned. Moaning? What the hell?
Sookie sat up and crawled in my lap straddling my hips and then took my face in her hands. “You listen to me Eric Northman. You can do this! And you will. Do you know why?” I shook my head without saying anything. “Because that’s how Pam raised you! She didn’t raise you to quit or to walk away from everything that the two of you worked so hard to build and besides that, you are not alone.”
We sat in silence for a moment before she spoke again. “Can I ask you a question?” I nodded. “If the tables were turned…and I can’t even believe I am saying this out loud… but what if God forbid it had been you that didn’t survive…what would you want Pam to do?”
I knew what Pam would want; she would want for me exactly what I would want for her. She would want me to follow through with every dream we had. She would want me go forward with the New York office. She would want me to catch the bastards that are stealing from our company. But most of all she would want me to be happy; to find a once in a lifetime love like she found in Bill.
We sat in silence until the orange glow of the setting sun began to flood the room.
“I missed you today. I know it sounds silly I mean you only managed to be away from me for just a few hours but just knowing you were away gave me an unsettling feeling. I had the sensation all morning like I had forgotten something.” I said as I kissed the top of her head.
“I missed you too. I was enjoying the time with the girls, but I kept thinking that I needed to hurry so I could get back to you.”
“So, were you able to get anything accomplished before you had to come rescue me or do you have to go back?” I said it with a light hearted chuckle but honestly the idea of her leaving me again right now caused a physical pain in my gut.
“No, I got my room boxed up and most of Gran’s things wrapped up. The fellas were coming by this evening to move the furniture to the storage unit so there’s really nothing left to do that Amelia can’t take care of. The couple of boxes that I left there can be shipped to me or they can bring them when they come up for the fourth.” She assured me but even in the hushed tones of her voice you could suddenly hear strain.
“Love what’s the matter?”
“Eric, I don’t know if now is the right time…matter of fact…I’m pretty sure that it’s not but we need to talk about something.”
I sat up and turned so I was facing her obviously a little concerned by the sound of her voice. She had gone home, was she having second thoughts now? No stupid, she just said she was shipping the rest of her things to Shreveport, why don’t you hear her out before jumping to conclusions?
“Sookie relax, whatever it is I’m sure we can take care of it.” Whether I was trying to reassure me or her I wasn’t sure but the suspense was beginning to get the best of me.
“Eric, please understand I didn’t mean for this to happen. I swear I tried to be faithful every day, but obviously I must have screwed up. I just don’t know how this could have happened.”
Faithful? Screwed up? What is she trying to tell me? She was still babbling when I interrupted her.
“Sookie slow down, what are you trying to say?” I was trying desperately to hide my concern and frustration but in my current state I doubt I was successful.
“Eric, I’m so sorry, I probably should have waited for a better time to talk to you about this…” Again I cut her off.
“Sookie stop apologizing and just tell me!” I know my voice held more irritation than I intended but whatever she was trying to tell me was obviously worrying her that was evident by the tears now pooling in her eyes and the more she stalled, the more I began to worry.
“IthinkImaybepregnant!” She said all in one breath.
All I heard was “pregnant”.
Wait!
Pregnant?
I tried to find my words. Honestly, I searched for a word, any word. Hell, I would have been satisfied with a grunt or any other sound at this point, but I had none.
“I’m so sorry Eric. I swear I never meant for this to happen. And I want you to know that I take full responsibility; you offered to wear a condom but I told you I had birth control taken care of; believe me I thought I did. So I don’t expect anything from you, the last thing I want is for you to feel like I have trapped you in some way.” Was she serious? Was she honestly apologizing for giving me the one thing I longed for almost as much as I longed for her? Why would she think I wouldn’t want this?
The sound of her crying broke me out of my thoughts and I realized I had yet to say anything or respond to her in any way. She had buried her face in her hands and her tiny body was now wracked with sobs. I reached over and gently pulled her hands away from her face and held both of them in one of my hands as I tilted her head up to look at me with the other. I searched her eyes trying to understand her reaction. My insides were at war. On the one hand it was taking all the restraint I could muster not to jump up, hug her and swing her around the room while on the other, here sat the love of my life brokenhearted and in need of consolation. Did she not want this? Or more disturbing, did she not want this with me?
“Shhh…Sookie please…why are you crying?” I asked.
“I love you and I would never want to do anything that would hurt you.” She said, her words barely getting out through the sobs.
“Love why would you believe this would hurt me?”
“I don’t …I just don’t want you to think I’m trying to trap you. Eric I swear…”
“Sookie stop it!” I cut her off. “I know you’re not trying to trap me besides it could hardly be considered trapping when someone would go willingly.” She gave me a puzzled look and I knew then that she didn’t get it; she didn’t know that I would drop everything and marry her this very minute. Hell without reservation I’ve been ready to marry her since I left the hospital.
“Love, tell me what you’re thinking. How do you feel about all of this?”
“I don’t know Eric,” my heart sank, “I took the tests right before I got your call and then when I had to leave, Amelia literally scooped them up and put them in a shoe box for me to bring here. The entire trip here I fought with myself about whether or not to open the box and then just before getting out of the car to come in I flipped the lid off and looked. I guess I’ve been so worried about how you would react that I haven’t thought about how I felt about it.”
We sat in silence again each contemplating our own feelings. I felt like a poor man who’d just won the lottery but was told he couldn’t spend a dime. I tried to recall a time in my life when I was this happy about something or wanted something this badly, and nothing…NOTHING compared. But me wanting it alone was not enough, I wanted Sookie to be happy about it; I needed her to want it too.
I watched her face for several minutes and I could see her deliberation, her facial expression betraying her every thought as it crossed her mind. After several minutes Sookie looked up at me and I couldn’t help it, the joy I was feeling was just about to make me explode, I felt a grin so big it was almost painful spread across my face. Within seconds her eyes lit up and her own grin appeared.
“Are we really going to do this? Are we having a baby?” She asked still somewhat timidly.
“OH. FUCK. YES!” I shouted as I grabbed her and without waiting for her response, pulled her into my lap and kissed her with all I had. I wanted her to feel everything in that kiss...love…joy…gratitude…everything.
She turned in my lap; her back was now against my chest and I wrapped my arms around her resting my open hands on her now flat belly.
“So what do we do now…I mean as far as the pregnancy goes?” I was a little embarrassed that I really had no idea what to do next. Was there a process or steps to go though? My head was already thinking of how to remodel the house to add a nursery and get a playground put in but as far as the pregnancy itself, I was clueless. I kept hearing that line from Gone With the Wind in my head ‘I don’t know nothin’ bout birthin’ no babies’.
“Well I probably need to get it confirmed by a doctor. I suppose I should go ahead and find one here in Shreveport; I can call Selah and see who she recommends. But don’t worry, I can ask her without letting on anything.” She reassured me, though it was unnecessary.
“Sookie I don’t care who knows, I’d take out a full page in the Shreveport Times if you’d let me.” I said while nuzzling her neck.
“Eric you realize everybody is not going to be thrilled with this news.” The strain was back in her voice.
“Fuck ‘em”. I told her.
She just shook her head. “No seriously, FUCK THEM! Sookie, while I would love for everyone to be just as happy about this as I am, at the end of the day it just doesn’t matter what anyone’s opinion is except ours and I refuse to allow any negative opinion to impact us in any way.
“Well even so, I would rather not tell anyone for awhile.” I knew keeping this a secret was going to be hard for me. I was sure after a few days of walking around with a permanent grin on my face people were going to start to ask questions but if this was a condition she place on this situation then I would honor her wishes.
“How reliable is the test you took?”
“Well five positives from five different manufacturers, I’d say that’s pretty reliable.” She said with a half hearted chuckle.
“Why didn’t you tell me you thought you might be pregnant? Is that why you chose to finally go to Bon Temps today?” It would kill me if she felt she had to keep this from me but I had to ask. I wanted to know.
She turned her body so that she was facing me now, the hurt very apparent across her face.
“The thought never crossed my mind until this afternoon when Amelia and I were talking and she mentioned having her period week before last and since we’ve practically been on the same scheduled the whole time she’s lived with me it made me realize I was late…but Eric, I swear I took my pills every day.” I could see the tears returning to her eyes.
“Sookie stop! I know you took your pill every day. I’ve seen the little wheel of pills beside your tooth brush and on more than one occasion I have wanted to flush them so even if you had failed to take them, it wouldn’t matter to me. Stop apologizing for giving me something I’ve always wanted.”
Sookie pressed her lips to mine but unlike when I attacked her mouth earlier in desperation, this kiss was tender.
“So who all knows?” I asked returning her to her previous position and my hands back to her tiny tummy.
“No one. I mean Amelia knows I took the tests but she agreed this should be between you and me first, regardless of the outcome.” She confirmed and I smiled at the idea of our little secret. “I really should call her, I’m sure she is worried right now.”
As if on cue Sookie’s phone chimed signaling a text message.
U no I respect UR privy. Want 2 no UR ok. - A
Sookie snickered then quickly typed out a response showing me what she had written before pressing ‘send’.
Eric & I r both ok, call U soon. Promise. – S
“Come on,” I said pulling her up with me as I got off the couch. “I’m starving and exhausted, let’s go get the two of you fed and get you home to bed.” Sookie nodded and wrapped her arms around me as we walked out to the car.
I was exhausted and hungry but happier than I had ever been in my life.
TBC
